Lost Blogs #1: Letter to Someone Unknown

[I've been looking through all my unpublished blogs and starting to post some of them, I believe this was a reply to someone that asked me "what if I love, but don't ask Jesus in my life?"]. I really appreciate your honesty, I love these kinds of discussions and it seems like you aren't afraid to be honest about what you believe and don't believe.

I am not sure where you stand and I certainly am not assuming what you believe and what you don't. I will just tell you what I believe and why, but in the end, the truth belongs to God, the mistakes are mine, we can talk are whole lives about this and that but what our logic says doesn't always match up to what is true.

I do believe that we are spiritually dead like the Bible says. For me I think of it as a car driving but the driver died a little bit ago, because the driver died that car is not only going to loose control but also eventually stop moving.

There is something in our body that died and if we can revive it, then we can live forever [weird I know, but this is how I understand Heaven].

I believe that Jesus/Holy Spirit/God does something to us to revive what was dead. I don't think that Jesus came to earth to show us how to open doors and smile, but how to live, how to have life, not just show us how to have life but to give us life, spiritual life first which leads to a more abundant physical life.

I really try to make a habit of not saying anything unless I am convinced of something in my own life. If I don't feel like I can understand or relate to a term I don't use it, and though I have horrible grammar, one of my most read books is my dictionary, because I don't like using words that I assume the meaning of, [though I am sure I do everyday].

I say that because I used to not be able to make sense of anything, I used to get really depressed. I used to pray to God without the feeling that anything was there listening. I used to think that if I just loved people more then that death inside of me would change. If I may be cliché but honest, I felt like I was walking in darkness, worried about what I may walk into, worried that nobody was near me, and basically I realized that just because you are smiling, doesn't mean you are happy.

Then I started looking into the life of Jesus trying to convince myself to believe in Him and His death. Though I felt convinced, nothing changed and maybe some Christians would hate to know I am telling you this, but I want to tell you my life not what the 'pamphlet' says, ya know?

No matter how many times I read the Bible, no matter how many hymns or songs I could sing it still was that dark I was talking about. I then read a verse saying "You diligently study the scriptures but refuse to come to me to have life" as said by Jesus. As everyone says, church won't save you, reading your Bible and singing songs won't save you I then realized that also just loving people won't save you. Boiling down Christianity to a set of rules, even good ones that you want to obey, like loving people, robs it of the Gospel. Because the set of rules are only there to show us that there is something wrong and we need Jesus to fix it. If the driver that died in the moving car was on an infinity parking lot, you wouldn't be able to tell if something was wrong, but once you put the road there and the lines and you see that car driving off the road is when you can assume there is something wrong with the driver inside.

But it's not about the lines and the roads, it's using the lines and the road to show you there is something wrong with your inner driver, that even trying to do something that you want to do but fail to do it, shows that something is wrong. But this life is not about doing what you think is right.

For example, Hitler thought he was doing good to humans by getting rid of his idea of the 'lower race'. It was his idea of good that made him do that, he thought doing that would make life easier for everyone else. I think we were all created to love but at this point we either water down what love is or try to make up our own definitions, in the end we aren't loving fully, we need to get to know the God who is Love.

I now realize that Jesus doesn't just come into our life, Jesus says we should repent and come to Him. We give him our life, he already gave us His. I know what it is to be in the dark or spiritually blind and I also know what it is to have Light come into my life.

We are all jackal lanterns, our candle is out which makes us just a hollowed out pumpkin, but something bigger than us needs to light that candle and that's when we truly end up being what we were created to be.

If none of this makes sense, or if all of this you already know I am sorry to make this so long.

your friend,