We're Afraid of Ourselves

I believe there is a tiny little light inside of us, but we're not seeing it because we're afraid of the dark, we're afraid of being alone long enough for our eyes to adjust onto it. There's a tiny voice, that's so quiet we never hear it because we're too afraid to be away from music and noises. We're afraid of the sound of our own heart beat.

It's not until you turn off your radio that you can hear the muffler is dragging.

We're still afraid of the dark and afraid of silence. Because we know if we're alone for too long we'll have to start facing ourselves or even more frightening is that we'll have to face God.

"He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us" -James 4:5

We have a gold coin in our pocket and we're afraid to walk down a dark alley, because we know that someone wants it. The spirit that God put inside of us, He yearns for. He wants it. And that scares the hell out of us.

My friend, who was the punter for the Denver Broncos, told me that one time he had to run with the ball and because he is a punter he isn't really trained or built for getting tackled. He said it was the scariest thing ever to have professional NFL players running towards him because he had what they wanted.

When we're alone for too long, there is something in us that knows God wants the spirit that He put inside of us. Sure we'll sing in church and maybe even get some alone time in. But a lot of times, not long enough to really let our eyes adjust. We turn the lights back on before we can really notice the little light inside.

But, it's something we've gotta face. I know people that have and those are people that their lives are literally changed. It seems like they just get it, they know God and God knows them. They love well and live well. They aren't afraid of themselves.

But they turned the lights off long enough for their eyes to adjust and focus on the light inside of them.

We've put our light under a bush and we have to get it out, but it's on the other side of a lot of thorns and pain to get to it and most of us give up before we get to it.

This might be really vague to a lot of you, but I think to some of you, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I'd figure out what it means to be alone and not afraid of yourself.

When a little girl's doll breaks, she'll cry and hold onto that doll tighter, hoping that it'll heal, but when her father tries to take it to fix it, her fear tells her that he's going to break it even more. But if she'd just trust him, he'll take it and fix it and give it back restored.

I think our spirit is broken and we hold it so tight away from the light hoping it'll heal or to forget about it altogether. When God yearns to hold it, we become scared, but we have to trust Him and He can restore it. It just means we'll be vulnerable.

your friend,


*I've decided to write more and proof-read less, it's been killing my flow and writing. So forgive grammar mistakes and structural ones too.